I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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