these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
