***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
