Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
