I could make wine with my vomit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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