I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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