I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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