woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
