I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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