I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
