i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
