You're my little dorito
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
