Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Two words: blizzard sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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