I love black thongs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
