you guys were way drunker than both of me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
