I can text with my tongue
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
