No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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