a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
