I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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