there was a trapeze. enough said
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
