I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
