alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to calm my uterus...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
