I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
