tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
