well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
