Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
