So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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