I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You dont lie about slip and slides
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bring me that man meat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
