what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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