i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
