I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do vagina's smell?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
