I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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