So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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