I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
