Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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