My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
