I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
