I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
