There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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