you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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