my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
