hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
