I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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