I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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