hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
