I'm pants shitting drunk right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
