I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
