oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
