Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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