R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
