Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
